The children in Mac and Me are constantly screaming. Miraculously, it’s not because they’re in Mac and Me. “Bad Cinema,” the Central Library’s Z-grade program, has shown some clunkers in the past. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is hilariously unaware of its homoerotic implications, the sheer ridiculousness of Runaway, in which Tom Selleck hunts down renegade robots, begs to be experienced with as large an audience as possible. Xtro, Harry Bromley Davenport’s shoddy alien invasion story, was actually charming in its supreme bad taste. “Bad Cinema” has given Madison audiences a public, and more importantly, safe space to watch Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo but this Thursday’s screening of Mac and Me stands out among the dreck for how cynical of a cash grab it is and for how little cash it actually grabbed.
In 1988, six years after E.T. – The Extra-terrestrial, Orion Pictures executives got tired of waiting around for Spielberg to make a sequel and financed their own. It was easy. They simply copied E.T.‘s premise and added a wheelchair’s worth of product endorsements. Fleeing NASA scientists, “MAC”is separated from his Martian family and takes in with Eric (Jade Calegory), a paraplegic boy who really, really likes the Chicago Cubs. Eric, his older, hornier brother (Jonathan Ward), and their mother (Christine Ebersole) are leaving the desolate plains of Illinois to start a new life in California, but their move is interrupted by MAC’s antics. Downing Coca-cola and Skittles while trashing the new family home, MAC is a junk-food hawking nuisance until he rescues Eric when his wheelchair’s brakes give out and he plunges into a stream. With MAC’s presence revealed and Eric cleared of MAC’s mild vandalism (he’s in a wheelchair!), it’s up to everyone to help the Martian return to his family — but not before rocking out at a McDonalds-sponsored birthday dance party. Those were a thing, right?
iMDb isn’t the be-all, end-all of anything apart from chauvinist message board vomit, but when its synopsis calls out the veracity of “MAC” (read: Mysterious Alien Creature), you and your endearing alien acronym might be in trouble. Then again, it’s hard to believe director Stewart Raffill — a veteran of schlock like Bad Girl Island and The Adventures of the Wilderness Family — expected this to make more than $6 million at the box office. How could he? MAC looks like Gollum if Peter Jackson tried adapting The Lord of the Rings in 1992, and the alien shamelessly whistles for cutesy baby speech like R2-D2. It’s baffling to think Alan Silvestri worked his way up from scoring this to writing the Avengers theme, and that’s only the tip of the trivia iceberg. That McDonalds dance party (complete with a speaking role for Ronald) also marks Jennifer Aniston’s film debut, and Christine Ebersole’s frazzled single mom character was allegedly turned down by Anjelica Huston and Kim Basinger first. When making the promotional rounds on late night, Paul Rudd has shown this clip to Conan audiences for the past decade. With a straight face. If you’ve heard of Mac and Me at all, it’s more likely because of its proximity to famous people than for how bad it actually is.
You can make commodified garbage driven by profit margins and merchandising. Michael Bay has turned cheeseburger cinema into a billion-dollar science but even Revenge of the Fallen requires skill to execute. Mac and Me has so very little. After being naturalized as U.S. citizens — complete in their Sunday’s best — the McAliens close things out by driving off in a convertible with a “We’ll be back!” promising a return to the franchise and a return to juicy product placement. Orion Pictures had cash on the brain from the beginning and until the bitter, sesame seed-covered, special sauce-drizzled end. This isn’t a movie, it’s a shampoo commercial. From you to me to Paul Rudd, we’re all somehow better off for it.
- “Bad Cinema” presents Mac and Me on Thurs, Jun 18 at 6:30p in Rm 302 of the Central Library. FREE.