Although I am the unofficial Official Least Picky Eater, nobody’s perfect. There are things I could do without, some not even edible: sweet pickles, phone use during movies, whenever Steve Inskeep talks through frogs in his throat. These are all things that, if they disappeared tomorrow morning, would never enter my brain again, lest they catch me offguard during some terrible fever dream.
But even worse than any of that stuff? Posers.
Man, I hate me some posers. I’m looking at you,Ā Lockout.Ā It’s one thing to openly aim for that “B movie” feel (seeĀ Drive AngryĀ orĀ Planet TerrorĀ for good examples). It’s quite another to fail at hitting a pretty sizable target, and in that regard,Ā LockoutĀ may be legally blind.
Guy Pearce deserves admiration for a strong effort as Agent Snow, a CIA operative framed for a crime he didn’t… you know what, screw it. Pearce deliversĀ Lockout’sĀ generic premise as bluntly and briskly as possible, but no one man could ever distract enough attention away from the contrivances. There are unexpected but totally expected double-crosses and an early prison break in the film’s “space jail” setting. All of this plays against the backdrop of low-grade CGI, with explosions that belong inĀ Call of DutyĀ and motorcycle chases that don’t belong anywhere. The warning signs of green screen are everywhere inĀ Lockout,Ā but it wants you to pay no attention to the animators behind the curtain.
Of course, one can’t have a “Space Jail” movie without someĀ Con AirĀ seeping in there, and Luc Besson and co-directors James Mather and Stephen St. Leger were smart in trying to riff on their predecessors. This doesn’t aim to be a heady sci-fi romp likeĀ InceptionĀ or evenĀ Prometheus. The absence of subtext isn’t a problem, but the shiny homages to space fantasy shlock feel more like crutches for bad filmmaking, a step above “The Room In Space,”Ā but only a step.Ā LockoutĀ is hardly coy about copying its predecessors, but it’s even worse at hiding that fact.
It borrows from Hollywood’s ongoing teal/orange epidemic and rivals JJ Abrams in crushing on gratuitous lens flares. Even Maggie Grace as President Warnock’s intrepid daughter is sorta retreading the “unlikely action lackey” fromĀ Taken 2,Ā and a quick cut and dye job ain’t gonna change that.
Lockout’sĀ glossed-up entertainmentĀ has no nutritional value, but it doesn’t even taste good. It’s a stale bag of tootsie rolls, and not the good kind. The weird blue ones.