There’s a good chance this is what a Disney investors’ meeting looks like
With Iron Man 3 still grasping the entertainment industry by its metaphorical genitalia, revisiting the franchise’s previous installment seems more than appropriate. 2010’s Iron Man 2 is by no means a good movie, even by conventional comic book standards. The humor varies from dark and sexual to cheap and juvenile, Mickey Rourke’s Ivan Vanko is a waste of time, and Sam Rockwell’s Justin Hammer is a waste of talent. Jon Favreau’s hasty sequel also disregards the typical functions of human relationships, abruptly cozying up Robert Downey, Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow and ignoring the philosophical beef between Tony and Col. Rhodes (Don Cheadle). There’s also the troubling involvement of S.H.I.E.L.D, which is awkwardly shoe-horned into the film’s back half as an obvious bridge to The Avengers.
Still, Iron Man 2 has a few redeeming qualities. Robert Downey, Jr. still shines in the title role, devouring every zinger screenwriter Justin Theroux dangles in front of him, and the effects are pretty darn impressive. But Iron Man 2’s best achievement is its encapsulation of what has plagued Marvel’s box office domination. After an uncomfortable introduction to Rourke’s Vanko, Tony sky dives his way down to the Stark Expo, lavishly introduced with a dazzling spectacle of fireworks, a kickline and plenty of AC/DC. With hundreds of attendees screaming as they stretch out their arms, the self-promotion and indulgent pageantry make for an apt visualization of the Marvel craze itself. “Shoot to Thrill” feels so right booming behind Downey, Jr.’s cocky grin as he addresses his rabid fans, but it also feels like Iron Man 2 is a music stage, a guitar solo dedicated to the bloated state of comic book movies with their six second Vine teasers to the teasers, their migration to network television series. Welcome to the world’s biggest rock concert. It’s all summer, every summer.
Tony Stark’s mortality comes into focus in Iron Man 2 as well as the palladium core keeping him alive is also slowly poisoning his bloodstream. Tony is forced to consider the future of his company, his friends, and his legacy after facing the very real possibility of death. Tony’s solution to mortality? Synthesize a new element and modify his crazy heart technology with it, all in a lazy afternoon. Problem solved! Forget about that legacy nonsense or endangering the lives of Pepper and Rhodey, too because it’s all one-liners and chase sequences from here on out. Tony’s cold shoulder to the Grim Reaper is a terrific representation of the Marvel Universe’s unwillingness to face reality and yes, to face death. Maybe more to the point, what do the studio heads at Disney come up with when Robert Downey, Jr. no longer wants to don the iron suit? Does he return for Avengers 2? For Iron Man 4? Screw it. Here’s another genius billionaire playboy joke.
Iron Man 2’s avoidance of death is par for the course next to its dismissal of any real consequences. Rourke’s Vanko seems poised to take down Tony’s mythic Rolling Stone cover hubris until he’s relegated to psycho babble about his pet bird. No threat there. Justin Hammer’s automated drones might be serious market competition for Stark Industries’ own tech. Until Tony blows them all up. Iron Man 2 even ignores its own questions, like what happens when one man succeeds at privatizing world peace? Tony has no problem boasting to the government about his Mark IV armor, but Uncle Sam can stick it if he thinks Mr. Stark will sit down and discuss the implications of a one-man army.
This negligence of any real effects has plagued Marvel movies for years. The rock ’em sock ’em finale of The Incredible Hulk lets Bruce Banner and Emil Blonsky use New York City as an urban sparring facility; never mind the buildings they’ve crumbled and the cars they’ve turned into punching bags. The Avengers’ exciting finale brought this large-scale destruction to greater heights with an alien invasion’s all-out assault on the Big Apple. What was the world’s reaction to skyscrapers getting tumbled by giant metallic space worms? Bystanders fawned over Captain America and Nick Fury quipped to a faceless bureaucracy cloaked in shadow. For such an epic climax, the stakes sure do feel small. Forget “real world” consequences. Marvel doesn’t seem to care about consequences period.
Like Tony’s refusal to really assess his man-made ability to fire cruise missles with the flick of his wrist, Marvel’s dedicated to the sizzle, not the steak, and Iron Man 2 is a reminder that the studio’s low-stakes, inconsequential formula fare may die off without any changes. And by “die off” one really means “faux-assassinated aboard the Helicarrier only to return in a new ABC television series.” Look for the very not dead Agent Phil Coulson next fall!